Do Not Use Hairdryer While Sleeping

As we have gotten settled into our house for the winter, it’s become apparent that we have a dire lack of storage, just as many other Phoenicians. It comes in part from the absence of basements. The ground is simply too hard to dig such a hole.

Our refrigerator is fairly small, and filled to the brim with necessary items such as milk and cheese. Oh, and my gin for martinis. Essentials. Our tiny pantry is full as well. I finally determined the other day that, while my pantry is small, I have a considerable amount of counter space. As such, it has become the storage area for my various and sundry breads and chips. But it looks sloppy.

Suddenly, I had the solution. A bread box. They are attractive, there is room on the counter, and the bread, rolls and chips will be stored out of site. So I began looking for inexpensive bread boxes.

My go-to, of course, is always Amazon. They sell everything, after all. Plus, I can use my considerable points from charging too much over the Christmas holidays to purchase on amazon.com. I found a series of them, and then as I usually do, I looked at the comments.

Here is part of an actual comment from the satisfied customer of a particular bread box:

“I was looking for a stainless-steel bread box, and this was the most reasonably-priced version I could find. I didn’t pay much attention to the size, but it’s QUITE large, lol. I was surprised by how big it was, and promptly discovered that I could put not only MY head in it, but my husband’s as well. So keep that in mind.”

I’m not making this up. I simply can't get rid of the vision of a man and a woman sticking their heads into a bread box at the same time. It won’t go away. It seems to me the chances of them getting their heads stuck into said box seem extremely high.

It made me think about absurd product warnings. Because for every absurd product warning, there was an absurd person who did the exact absurd thing about which we are now warned. My sister has mentioned, for example, that she noticed when she bought a cell phone that there was a warning to not place the cell phone into the microwave. Undoubtedly, someone got their cell phone wet and determined that giving it a little shot in the microwave was a great idea. The explosion and his/her probable subsequent hospitalization resulted in our being warned.

Here are a few more ACTUAL product warnings:

Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove the cap.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: This product not for use as a dental drill.

Auto Windshield Visor: Do not drive with sunshade in place.

Duraflame: Warning, risk of fire.

And my personal favorite…..

Apple IPOD: Do not eat IPOD Shuffle.

And, by the way, the title of this post is also an actual product warning. Sigh.

Have a great weekend.